One of the greatest debates that I have been fighting internally for the past 3-4 years is :
Which is better?
Sleeping for 10 hours straight, or in a 6 + 3 + 1 format?
Still haven't found an answer to that.
The other greatest debate has been on the topic of discussion,
For the first half of last half decade or so, I was the ignorant amateurish pianist/keyboardist caught in the headlights of Jordan Rudess's incredibly, head-messing-ly, insanely fast and freakish solos. After listening to DT for a few more years, I am proud to say that I have stepped out of those headlights. I am back to my comfortable designation of an amateur keyboardist. After a lot of deliberation, I have come to sort of a conclusive ranking of the best solos on the synth in DT songs.
No. 5 - Endless Sacrifice
Articulation is the key word in this solo. This solo is not near the fastest which Rudess has played. In contrast to the insane speeds that Petrucci blazes in the song (4 billion beats per sec. ), the synth solos, take their time in developing the awesomeness that Rudess wants to inflict upon the listener. The seconds seem very weighted and slow in the synth solo. There are very few random sketches across 4 octaves which are so common in his solos. He spends more effort on the pitch wheel in this song than common. The build up within the solo is awesome, backed by a teeth crunching riff which just jacks up your hormones to insane levels.
The best part - 6:47 - 6:54
No. 4 - Octavarium
Epic and beauty are the key words for this solo. The solo goes on and on, and you don't even realize its been over a minute and a half of continuous blend of heavenly moog that he glides and roller skates through. Of course, that would would have to be the curviest and most impossible skating route in the world (like a Klein bottle version). I think he was on absynthe and 16 hours of yoga straight when he came up with this solo.
The best part - 12:47 - 12:57
No. 3 - Shattered Fortress
Power, thrash, goosebumpy, slick, transformative and a ton of other words come to mind when I listen to this solo. There are two reasons for that. One, because it is so #@$@%@%@^$%^ long, and the other because, it never gets boring once during that assualt. It isn't the consistently paced Octavarium solo that this reminds you of. It reminds you of a dark wizard with control of your brain cells, and all your nerve endings. A dark, evil, extremely talented wizard who will destroy you with elusive but real pleasure. The song has three perfectly structured climaxes which take you unaware, and leave you feeling like you jumped off a cliff, or just cleared the earth at 11.2 km/s, or launched urself against the moon's low gravity. Note that the build up to the solo is perhaps the best build up I've heard off DT. This is a lucid display of how well the band works together, and how the other intruments are so important in the solos. During the solo as well, the climax moments would be nothing without the accompanying change in the awesome riff changes that Petrucci engineers backed up with alternating, pitch changing thrashes by Portnoy on (as far as I am concerned) unclassified brass, bronze and nickel plates. Absolutely brilliant stuff!!!
The best part's' - 5:24 - 5:34; 6:05 - 6:20; 6:40 - 6:50
No. 2 - Burning my Soul
Spearing, thrash, testosteronic, and simply the most kickass synth solo in DT's songs. Imagine riding the fastest bike in the world in a desert, with a wake of sand about 20 feet high behind you, and you being able to switch between the driver's seat and observing yourself from an isometric point of view. If you can, this solo will be playing in your head. The solo starts with a tirade of repeating notes, which combined with the riff blow my mind away. The riff plays an important part in this solo. It is basic. Just like hunger. It is so basic, so thrasy, and yet so clean, that you cannot believe that no one else thought of that riff before this song. The sound of this solo is also a little different from the common synth solo sound that Rudess normally seems to use. That's because it's been played by Derek Shernian. With just the one album to his credit (with DT i.e.) (they do not count Change of Seasons as an album) I'd say he's definitely made his mark. His lead sound has more of an enclosed within a studio or a supressed sound. This makes the solo all the more dark, under-doggish and makes you feel like the king of an underground race in which everyone drives a superbike. I wish I can come up with one of these within a few of my lives.
Best part - The whole solo
And No. 1 - Take the Time
Perfection. That is the only word for this solo. I'd have to run experiments on human hearing, perception and the effect of music on people throughout history to be able to engineer a mastered solo like this one. Kevin Moore stole the show even before Rudess showed up in the band. When you listen to this solo, you realize why Rudess is so freakingly good at what he does. He had to be, to be able to replace that!.... Take the time is a perfect example of how solos can be turned into stories. The song is in my view one of the ordinary-ish songs of DT. However, e solo transcends all normal-ity and mediocrity. It is preceded in the song by one of the freakish and fluidic (an adjective I use to describe faster than you can count, changing time signature sequences in DT songs) instrumental sections which we recognize and love. (Listen to Metropolis Part 1 - for best fluidic part ever; also Dance of Eternity - for a composite collection of several fluids gathered together in a cave and grooving with a man-bear-pig) Then from 4:50 - 5:18 the band makes you stumble through a surprising turn of notes and beats, which is akin to stumbling down stairs with out-of-beat pauses at some steps. Suddenly, you rush down the stairs, and within a couple of seconds you are in this wide open space, where everything is light speed, and Kevin Moore is in the center making his keyboard cry. The solo is consistent, inspiring, uplifting, beautiful, kick-ass, climactic, never ending, and a thrill ride on a roller coaster with all the surprises you wanted in your life but never got. It is simply awesome.
Best part - Almost a crime to pick only one section out, but this is TOO good: 5:30 - 5:42
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
U2 and Muse Live - 6th Oct., 2009
God has indeed been generous to me in this Fall break. Right after the Metallica show, it was time to pump up the reverb, mellow down the distortion, and crank up the awe and fascination with an amazing show by U2 and Muse.
U2, I have been listening to since my 8th grade. Their music is as awesome as it is popular, a rare combination in the day where, the more degenerate the music, the more popular it is. To top it off, U2 were started off by an amazing contemporary British band, Muse. (one of the recent worth listening to bands that I added to my lists in all the digital media players that I possess or have installed)
Specs: Venue - Georgia Dome (the largest arena in Atlanta by far...), with crowds easily exceeding 30k. A stage shaped like a spaceship with 4 spider legs, and a spike running through its body, with a huge 360 degrees screen. The whole thing was riddled with lights. Bono was all over the place, with rotating bridges running over the people in the inner circle (incl. me), Edge was using his processor to the fullest advantage (as usual)..... the crowd was a mottled mix of women, and a few lucky guys like me :)..... It was quite sensational...
But through it all, something was missing..... I didn't feel the intensity when I was clapping, or jumping or hooting etc. that I did during Metallica. Something stole the thunder away. It might be the maturity of hearing the same music for years on end, or simply that all the rock-esterone was exhausted during Metallica's show 2 days earlier.
Nevertheless, I was thorougly content with the show. They did a good solid number of the old ones, some of which I am very fond of.
Muse, did not disappoint either. In fact, some of their songs stuck with me, despite having never heard them before. They are worth following from now on.
The setlists:
MUSE
U2, I have been listening to since my 8th grade. Their music is as awesome as it is popular, a rare combination in the day where, the more degenerate the music, the more popular it is. To top it off, U2 were started off by an amazing contemporary British band, Muse. (one of the recent worth listening to bands that I added to my lists in all the digital media players that I possess or have installed)
Specs: Venue - Georgia Dome (the largest arena in Atlanta by far...), with crowds easily exceeding 30k. A stage shaped like a spaceship with 4 spider legs, and a spike running through its body, with a huge 360 degrees screen. The whole thing was riddled with lights. Bono was all over the place, with rotating bridges running over the people in the inner circle (incl. me), Edge was using his processor to the fullest advantage (as usual)..... the crowd was a mottled mix of women, and a few lucky guys like me :)..... It was quite sensational...
But through it all, something was missing..... I didn't feel the intensity when I was clapping, or jumping or hooting etc. that I did during Metallica. Something stole the thunder away. It might be the maturity of hearing the same music for years on end, or simply that all the rock-esterone was exhausted during Metallica's show 2 days earlier.
Nevertheless, I was thorougly content with the show. They did a good solid number of the old ones, some of which I am very fond of.
Muse, did not disappoint either. In fact, some of their songs stuck with me, despite having never heard them before. They are worth following from now on.
The setlists:
MUSE
-
- Breathe
- Get On Your Boots
- Mysterious Ways
- Beautiful Day"Blackbird" snippet
- I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"Stand By Me" snippet
- Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of
- No Line on the Horizon
- Magnificent
- Elevation
- Until The End Of The World
- The Unforgettable Fire
- City Of Blinding Lights
- Vertigo
- I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy TonightRemix version; "Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Again)" snippet
- Sunday Bloody Sunday"Rock the Casbah" snippet
- MLK
- Walk On
- Encore:
- One"Amazing Grace" snippet
- Where The Streets Have No Name
- Encore 2:
- Ultraviolet (Light My Way)
- With Or Without YouMoment of Surrender
- Ultraviolet (Light My Way)
Metallica Live - 4th Oct., 2009
Metallica was awesome! I still have a hard time believing how good a time I had at the show.
Some of the specs:
Venue: Philips Arena, Atlanta - A huge stadium (accommodates over 25k people). The lights were awesome. Excellent laser work as they move in complete harmony with the music. The crowd was crazy - a mosh pit going on at any given point in time.
But above all, the sound!... the sound was ecstatic. Everything was very very very loud, but very clear as well. I heard every note on the solo in Master of Puppets..... and that's saying something what with the crazy riff and the drums......
Hetfield was better than I had imagined, all doubts about his voice vanished when he nailed both Master and Sad But True. At one point in Master of Puppets, I felt like throwing myself onto the crowd in front.
It was a revelation in how shows ought to be done. I enjoyed the show more than I did for DT and Roger Waters...... which is saying something tantamount to, Suzuki Maruti 800 outraces a Ferrari..... but its true nevertheless.
Not having heard these songs for more than a couple of years now, I was not ready for the assualt that they launched on us in there. It was like they had hold of you by your collar, and where shouting in your face
"Listen #$@#$@%%$! Listen to us! We're $#^#%#$ Metallica!!!"
You can ignore this band on your Ipod list with the usual banter of "they're old school" or "the same stuff again" or "not a hard rock band anymore"...... but, on stage, they are in your face, and are so damn real and the music is so influential that all your misgivings are swept away, and for weeks, then onwards, you find yourself head banging on your way home from work to the entrance of a sandman.....
The setlist for the show was:
Some of the specs:
Venue: Philips Arena, Atlanta - A huge stadium (accommodates over 25k people). The lights were awesome. Excellent laser work as they move in complete harmony with the music. The crowd was crazy - a mosh pit going on at any given point in time.
But above all, the sound!... the sound was ecstatic. Everything was very very very loud, but very clear as well. I heard every note on the solo in Master of Puppets..... and that's saying something what with the crazy riff and the drums......
Hetfield was better than I had imagined, all doubts about his voice vanished when he nailed both Master and Sad But True. At one point in Master of Puppets, I felt like throwing myself onto the crowd in front.
It was a revelation in how shows ought to be done. I enjoyed the show more than I did for DT and Roger Waters...... which is saying something tantamount to, Suzuki Maruti 800 outraces a Ferrari..... but its true nevertheless.
Not having heard these songs for more than a couple of years now, I was not ready for the assualt that they launched on us in there. It was like they had hold of you by your collar, and where shouting in your face
"Listen #$@#$@%%$! Listen to us! We're $#^#%#$ Metallica!!!"
You can ignore this band on your Ipod list with the usual banter of "they're old school" or "the same stuff again" or "not a hard rock band anymore"...... but, on stage, they are in your face, and are so damn real and the music is so influential that all your misgivings are swept away, and for weeks, then onwards, you find yourself head banging on your way home from work to the entrance of a sandman.....
The setlist for the show was:
- That Was Just Your Life
- The End Of The Line
- Ride The Lightning
- No Remorse
- One
- Broken, Beat And Scarred
- Cyanide
- Sad But True
- Welcome Home (Sanitarium)
- All Nightmare Long
- The Day That Never Comes
- Master Of Puppets
- Blackened
- Nothing Else Matters
- Enter Sandman
- Last Caress (Misfits cover)
- Hit The Lights
- Seek & Destroy
Thursday, August 6, 2009
DreamTheater
On the 28th of July, months of waiting, weeks of disappointment in other aspects of my life and hours of driving to the venue culminated in one big burst of excitement which set the scales on balance again. I saw DT perform live in Atlanta at the Tabernacle.
To be frank, however, I was disappointed. It was a tour by 4 progressive bands and as such DT performed only a handful of numbers unlike the 4 hour extravaganzas that I was used to seeing on my computer. For the record these were,
To be frank, however, I was disappointed. It was a tour by 4 progressive bands and as such DT performed only a handful of numbers unlike the 4 hour extravaganzas that I was used to seeing on my computer. For the record these were,
- A Nightmare to Remember (Black Clouds and Silver Linings)
- Prophets of War (Systematic Chaos)
- Keyboard Solo
- Sacrificed Sons (Octavarium)
- A Rite of Passage (BC&SL)
- The Dance of Eternity (Scenes From A Memory :Metropolis Part II)
- One Last Time (SFAM)
- Solitary Shell (Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence)
- Take The Time (Images and Words)
- Count of Tuscany (BC&SL)
With three songs from the new album, and one song from the god forsaken "systematic chaos" album, it wasn't exactly what I had dreamed of(given that I have memorized and dissected every bar of music of a ton of other songs )
Nevertheless, the offset was balanced by Jordan Rudess's antics and the sheer intensity of watching them play from about 5 meteres away.
Some highlights of the show were:
- Rudess plays a solo on the Haaken Fingerboard
- Portnoy gets up atleast 6 times to thrash on the poor cymbal for the rare few seconds in their songs when he isnt playing like he is wrestling with an octopus while trying to play soccer and swim the olympics.
- Petrucci's extended solo in Solitary Shell on the electric (no acoustic lead though)
- Rudess plays the solo of Take the Time on the keytar
- Rudess and Petrucci jam together (absolute synchro of course) on their respetive -tars facing each other in the front of the stage
- Rudess plays two solos on the Iphone's app Bebot
- LaBrie does not stick his tongue out and sing like he's falling off a cliff. In fact, he nails every song.
The strangest thing that I realised through the show however, was that, no matter how good they are and no matter how much I had looked forward to this for no matter how many years, there were still times during the show when I phased off. At such times, I wanted to hit myself. I felt guilty and helpless that I was not capturing enough feel and intensity in these few hours as I would have liked to or as I had imagined I would.
By the middle of the show, I wanted to go and sit somewhere in the back and listen to the music a little more calmly. The craze, the ranting, the madness was all self built and self induced. (Apart from the Iphone gimmick of course.... that kind of a thing just increases the blood flow in the body like magic)
Maybe all of art is in the eye of the beholder.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
New wheels
I just bought a car. After cautious, thorough and well practised hunting (both online and offline), I ended up buying a car within 15 minutes of test driving it. Didn't even get it checked. Didn't even test drive it again. Just signed the papers.
An instinct made me go for it. Perhaps the dealer's offer to change the timing belt, a gasket, the gas for the AC and fix the alignment helped as well. In the end however, I felt like a hurried person with no control over what was happening.
When I play that day in my mind again, I am sure I could not have done anything differently. I don't think I would have passed the offer (he was selling the car at 1500 lesser than the KBB price and including all the aforementioned repairs and parts in the same price)
I was certain before I went to the dealer that I would NOT buy anything on the same day. Its like I went to check out the casino but ended up gambling anyway. I think this is some sort of sadism which enjoys reveling in completely illogical, though intuitive and highly risky acts.
But whose to say whether that's the opposite of maturity or not. A lot of people build careers on such decisions and live extremely succesful lives based on such decisions. When a sensation guides you to trust blindly, why is going ahead with it not considered the mature thing?
When applied to people, this kind of behavior is often lauded as spontaneity and is often practiced by the most popular of the lot. Why then, when applied to other things, is it considered a mark of immaturity or brashness? Perhaps maturity is simply to recognize these instincts and then justify them in a manner of half truth to the rest of the world, so that you can get your lucky deal and convince others of your careful and successful venture as well.
All said and done, I have the car; Have a look :
Basics: MAZDA 626 - 2002 Model - 120k miles - 4-cylinder sedanThursday, May 14, 2009
Does everyone sleep during work?
The prime reason I am writing this blog is because right now, at 11:30 am, (an hour since I have reached my desk), I feel like giving up and going to sleep.
The trace of events which led to this momentous and overwhelming feeling leaves me obfuscated and with the kind of brain damage that Douglas Adams talks about (what with his brains imploding into itself to create a black hole)
I got up at 9:30 am... note that I slept at a conservative 1:30 am....
I didn't get up on my own of course, (9:30 is way too early for that); my landlord came by 15 days late to collect his rent. So the morning began with me being 550$ short. Nevertheless, I brush, rinse, clean up, wash up, and eat my breakfast. All this while I am driven by the desire and need to do original and ground breaking research at my desk. So I buck up and make the short trip to my lab listening to new millenium (dream theater). The charge in my step is electric, and at an all high energy.
Thus peppered with imaginations of a bright future with unlimited acclaim and half a dozen research papers, I sit down on my desk and play with my mouse and innumerable firefox tabs for 5 mins. As I go through my email, I have already forgotten about my dreams of academic acclaim. When I see people around me reading papers etc. I am reminded of my objective for being here. I open up my documents and start working. By this time its 10:40 am.
At 11:05 am, I look at the clock on the right bottom corner of my screen, and find myself yearning for something. With incredulity, I realize I want to sleep.
In a desperate attempt to justify a quick refuge to the lab couch, I try to recall how many hours I have worked already. After some time I realize its been about half an hour. Shit!!.
I play around with other excuses in my head. The classic one being, I must be attentive and concentrate well when I work, and thus I must give myself the rest I need to be so.
Finally, after twiddling my thumbs and my brain cells for 10 mins, I work a little more. I work till 11:30 am.
Suddenly, I am head down on my desk, justifying to myself that the act gives me a closer view of my monitor, which will somehow help me brainstorm better on my research.
11:40 and I open up Gmail and decide to write this blog, to post my concerns to the world. Is this a disease? Something seems to be wrong with me. How is it that people work 8 hours everyday when I cannot get past one?
I'm sure Ill get some insight from people on this blog, though while reading, by now, many are probably asleep
The trace of events which led to this momentous and overwhelming feeling leaves me obfuscated and with the kind of brain damage that Douglas Adams talks about (what with his brains imploding into itself to create a black hole)
I got up at 9:30 am... note that I slept at a conservative 1:30 am....
I didn't get up on my own of course, (9:30 is way too early for that); my landlord came by 15 days late to collect his rent. So the morning began with me being 550$ short. Nevertheless, I brush, rinse, clean up, wash up, and eat my breakfast. All this while I am driven by the desire and need to do original and ground breaking research at my desk. So I buck up and make the short trip to my lab listening to new millenium (dream theater). The charge in my step is electric, and at an all high energy.
Thus peppered with imaginations of a bright future with unlimited acclaim and half a dozen research papers, I sit down on my desk and play with my mouse and innumerable firefox tabs for 5 mins. As I go through my email, I have already forgotten about my dreams of academic acclaim. When I see people around me reading papers etc. I am reminded of my objective for being here. I open up my documents and start working. By this time its 10:40 am.
At 11:05 am, I look at the clock on the right bottom corner of my screen, and find myself yearning for something. With incredulity, I realize I want to sleep.
In a desperate attempt to justify a quick refuge to the lab couch, I try to recall how many hours I have worked already. After some time I realize its been about half an hour. Shit!!.
I play around with other excuses in my head. The classic one being, I must be attentive and concentrate well when I work, and thus I must give myself the rest I need to be so.
Finally, after twiddling my thumbs and my brain cells for 10 mins, I work a little more. I work till 11:30 am.
Suddenly, I am head down on my desk, justifying to myself that the act gives me a closer view of my monitor, which will somehow help me brainstorm better on my research.
11:40 and I open up Gmail and decide to write this blog, to post my concerns to the world. Is this a disease? Something seems to be wrong with me. How is it that people work 8 hours everyday when I cannot get past one?
I'm sure Ill get some insight from people on this blog, though while reading, by now, many are probably asleep
Sunday, May 3, 2009
In Retrospect
There's not much I regret in my life.
However, I do wish I could go back and change a few things about myself, and change the way I acted or I thought.
1) Stud Factor - There is no such thing. You are good at certain things, and you're not good at others. No matter how many times you remind this to yourself, the environment (esp. at IITKgp) makes you crave for this elusive factor which sets your image in others' minds as the stud. A lot of us hide our wrongs and some of our stupider deeds because of the want for this factor. I wish I could say that I was never a victim of this bug. But it had me, and I didn't even realize till I was out.
More often than not, I've believed in this fake power that will allow me to score in exams I haven't studied for.
More often than not, I've tried to make a funny joke, just because someone else was doing it well, and landed flat on my face.
More often than not, I've been over-modest in the hope that the person in front will come back with even more praise.
More often than not, I've tried to act cool about some pretty bad things people said about my closest friend(s), and suffered in silence as it ruined my relationship(s).
More often than not, I have taken on responsibilities with a shrug (no big deal) and repented on the subsequent all-nighters that I had to pull in order to finish some arbit crap, which I didn't even get credit for, since I had made no big deal about it.
It changes your life. (for the worse).....
It does make for some pretty hilarious jokes and moments. (but they're all on you)
I wish I could go back and stop trying to be a stud, and just be myself..... it wud've helped me, my close ones, my friends, and perhaps.... even made me a real stud.....
Action items which could result in this change:
Be conscious of why you are acting the way you are acting.
Be conscious of moments when you act differently than you wanted to.
Be concsious of moments when you don't act at all, and when your mind is burning with desire to.
2) In the past factor - Many of the blogs you'll see from alums from my institute are often about something in Kgp itself. This is retroactive. I know, my previous description was inspired by my time in Kgp too. But its over..... and there's no point in nitpicking incidents at Kgp. Take the general lessons out and move on. Even as Im saying this, I can feel my own reaction towards my post. It sounds like a hollow effort to me. I'm stuck there in many ways myself. But, I've identified these things. I'm trying to shove it back and keep the good stuff with me and move on.
I wish I could go back to each semester, and forget about what I did the previous semester and start afresh, and have new objectives for the next one. I wish I could have prioritized based on my present mindset rather than borrowing from my previous one.
3) Ego/jealousy factor - As i said, there are things you're good at and there are things that you aren't. In fact your friends will make you think that you suck at those other things. Not explicitly; but since you always imagined you're going to be better than them at everything, and you ended up being worse at a lot those things, you are going to waste years wanting to live up to your self-pumped, self-assumed imagination(and no less than for things you don't even want as much). I wish I could go back and tell myself, " stop wasting your time competing with others, if you want to be good at something, measure with respect to yourself. If you're better the next day than you were on the previous, it means, in a year, you'd be as good or better than everyone else."
4) Love for pity - Everybody likes an agony aunt of their own. They want to indulge in visions where they are into the worst of ditches, and are in the worst of conditions possible. All this so that the person in front comes back with a consoling statement or two, a few insults for your enemies and so on. I wish I could go back and stop myself from whining for all the work that I had to do, or the crap I had to go through or whatsoever, so that I'd be in more control, appear more in control, and perhaps inspire a few people to be normal in this mass of crying babies.
5) Writing sad blogs - Self- explanatory....
However, I do wish I could go back and change a few things about myself, and change the way I acted or I thought.
1) Stud Factor - There is no such thing. You are good at certain things, and you're not good at others. No matter how many times you remind this to yourself, the environment (esp. at IITKgp) makes you crave for this elusive factor which sets your image in others' minds as the stud. A lot of us hide our wrongs and some of our stupider deeds because of the want for this factor. I wish I could say that I was never a victim of this bug. But it had me, and I didn't even realize till I was out.
More often than not, I've believed in this fake power that will allow me to score in exams I haven't studied for.
More often than not, I've tried to make a funny joke, just because someone else was doing it well, and landed flat on my face.
More often than not, I've been over-modest in the hope that the person in front will come back with even more praise.
More often than not, I've tried to act cool about some pretty bad things people said about my closest friend(s), and suffered in silence as it ruined my relationship(s).
More often than not, I have taken on responsibilities with a shrug (no big deal) and repented on the subsequent all-nighters that I had to pull in order to finish some arbit crap, which I didn't even get credit for, since I had made no big deal about it.
It changes your life. (for the worse).....
It does make for some pretty hilarious jokes and moments. (but they're all on you)
I wish I could go back and stop trying to be a stud, and just be myself..... it wud've helped me, my close ones, my friends, and perhaps.... even made me a real stud.....
Action items which could result in this change:
Be conscious of why you are acting the way you are acting.
Be conscious of moments when you act differently than you wanted to.
Be concsious of moments when you don't act at all, and when your mind is burning with desire to.
2) In the past factor - Many of the blogs you'll see from alums from my institute are often about something in Kgp itself. This is retroactive. I know, my previous description was inspired by my time in Kgp too. But its over..... and there's no point in nitpicking incidents at Kgp. Take the general lessons out and move on. Even as Im saying this, I can feel my own reaction towards my post. It sounds like a hollow effort to me. I'm stuck there in many ways myself. But, I've identified these things. I'm trying to shove it back and keep the good stuff with me and move on.
I wish I could go back to each semester, and forget about what I did the previous semester and start afresh, and have new objectives for the next one. I wish I could have prioritized based on my present mindset rather than borrowing from my previous one.
3) Ego/jealousy factor - As i said, there are things you're good at and there are things that you aren't. In fact your friends will make you think that you suck at those other things. Not explicitly; but since you always imagined you're going to be better than them at everything, and you ended up being worse at a lot those things, you are going to waste years wanting to live up to your self-pumped, self-assumed imagination(and no less than for things you don't even want as much). I wish I could go back and tell myself, " stop wasting your time competing with others, if you want to be good at something, measure with respect to yourself. If you're better the next day than you were on the previous, it means, in a year, you'd be as good or better than everyone else."
4) Love for pity - Everybody likes an agony aunt of their own. They want to indulge in visions where they are into the worst of ditches, and are in the worst of conditions possible. All this so that the person in front comes back with a consoling statement or two, a few insults for your enemies and so on. I wish I could go back and stop myself from whining for all the work that I had to do, or the crap I had to go through or whatsoever, so that I'd be in more control, appear more in control, and perhaps inspire a few people to be normal in this mass of crying babies.
5) Writing sad blogs - Self- explanatory....
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